2010 Journal – Chapter 36

Goodbye to the trip

July 8, 2010 at 11:48 AM

Thurday, July 08, 2010
Florissant, Colorado

I suppose this is the final blog, the final thing to send to all of you as a thanks for listening and a reflection on all of my trip. I’ve now been home two and a half weeks, almost three. It feels like a much longer amount of being how slow things tend to be moving right now. I did start a new job which has been a bit exciting, I’m now working at the Florissant Fossil Quarry which is a rather fun and enjoyable job. I’ve been trying to see some friends here and there but as summers go people take trips and do different things so it’s a little tricky scheduling everything.
As far as my future plans go what is set in stone is going to start school in January probably at Rock Mountain College of Art and Design for a Bachelor’s in Fine Arts based in Photography/Video. From there I hope to go into Grad School for a Master’s degree in some form, I’m leaning towards Journalism and maybe Film. Of course these are the long term goals short term tends to be a little more up in the air.
For the fall I hope to travel somewhere over the holidays, as all of you may remember Stuart is headed to Australia. The idea has come up for me to visit and stay with him and his aunt for about a month over December and January. I particularly like this idea, however we’ll see on money and various other things. It’s not that I don’t like being with my family for such events but to be perfectly honest it gets chaotic and absolutely mad over the holidays, that’s the truth. Therefore I think I need to be away and have a final Hoo-Rah before I start school. If all else I know I am welcome in Germany at the Godwin’s and a German Christmas is also very appealing.

As I reflect on my trip I really have only happy thoughts about it all. No regrets, nothing I’d go back and do differently, it’s all a pleasant and beautiful memory. My only qualm is that I could not stay longer or even move there. I’ll be honest, but maybe this is distorted from the kindness placed on tourists, that I truly blended into the culture better. That it just felt like a better fit for me. I truly felt I connected with people faster and was embraced for who I was not for who people think you should be. Don’t get me wrong about American culture, there isn’t say anything wrong with it, I just don’t really fit into it the same way. Also don’t get me wrong but I honestly do adore and love my friends here, they are the help and light that gets me through whatever bad day I may be having. There is just something different on how I blend into society as a whole.
Weird things I have had from coming home is the adjustment on NOT living out of a suitcase. I’ll be honest I really miss the simplicity of not having to have much stuff to get by with. The that everything is in one bag or two bags and the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Truly there wasn’t much of anything I missed about my boxes and shelves of junk at home, other than maybe my books, movies and music. Therefore at this point I am going through and cleaning out EVERYTHING I don’t use or want and many things I don’t need. I feel this is a bit of a cleansing thing for me, to get over the coming home. To simplify and pack up things so when I move it’s easier and less confusing. I also believe why have things if you don’t enjoy them when others could be.
Another odd thing is the lack of availability to forms of public transportation and honestly it’s driving me a bit mad. Essentially where I live you can’t go anywhere without a car and I would say that is just about true for all of this area. It’s extremely frustrating! In Europe it really was no problem to walk or be driven to a train station and for the most part where there weren’t trains there were buses.
I also really don’t know what to do with myself these days as well, there simply isn’t much to do. I’ve done the restaurants here, some I still enjoy and missed, but it’s all the same. I have been writing this and that some, I guess I have a fantasy of being able to write, get published and travel, just like Washington Irving did, we’ll see where that goes. I can dream right? Most people won’t look at your writing until you’ve gone through school and you’re in your late twenties. I don’t really fit either nor both so I’ll hope for the best and see what happens.
Day by day I think back on moments, things I did, tasted, smelt, breathed, touched, and was completely floored by. It all seems a little surreal, like I didn’t do it yet, or didn’t do it at all, like it never happened. I just saw so many things, stood on so many countries, met so many people, tried so many new things that it doesn’t seem like I did it. However then I have a moment of “Oh yes I DID do that.” “No I did not just fantasize about doing that.” “I REALLY was standing in the Louvre in front of the Mona Lisa.” “I TRULY did smell the air in Stromness.”. Again it is all beyond weird.
I’m not sure when it will all become real, or if it will, it’s all so vivid and beautiful that part of me wants to think that I couldn’t possibly have done it,that I was in a coma or something. Especially by myself with no one there to help me for most the time. That I never was threatened or felt really endangered, that all I met were truly nice people and only a couple “creepers”. That I made so many friends and connections with people from all over the place. That I will always be able to look back and reflect on these things and I have an entire story written down to go with it! Then the ultimate change is what happened to me on the trip. The completely different person I feel I have become, that the day I left who I was and the day I came home the person I’ve turned into is someone neither self would recognize; and I truly think it’s for the best.
Today all I want to do is get on another plane to anywhere different, anywhere else that I can explore and enjoy. I just feel there are a million and one other places to go in the world and actually I could go back to Ireland or England and explore for a month or two and would love love love it! The only catch is I should honestly wait until I’m 21 or older so I can rent a car and go into the lost little spots off the tourist trails. There is so much to do and only one short life for living, but I know that another day probably in the not so distant future I’ll have the means to do something like this again, maybe not on as large or great of a scale but it’s better than never again.
I guess I want to tie this up in a thank you, thank you all for reading, thank you all for your interest and support and thank you all for forwarding this to many people to enjoy. I really have appreciated all of your kind words and encouragement. Thank you for taking the time out of what are somewhat hectic and busy schedules to sit down for 15 minutes and read these sort of novels I have been writing. Thank you for your tolerance and acceptance at my mistakes at my moments of learning what to do in certain instances and what most definitely not to do!

Now I end this trip, end the notes on it and move on to another goal. It’s an odd feeling for it to officially be over, but now I simply have to go on with my life and other future goals. I thought this moment of closure would be hard and upsetting but instead I feel strong and like I’ve really achieved something, like I have overcome a lot and challenged myself on whole new levels. I feel like I’m successful at a major goal, I truly feel better that I did this than the day I graduated high school! It’s four years of planning and dreaming, working, saving and being brave (or crazy depending who you talk to). It feels truly wonderful to say and tell what I did and I know this feeling will come again when I reach my other goals and achievements on other trips and getting through college and university.

It’s fulfilling and great and I can only hope to get to do all I hope to in this life all the adventures and all the sights and all the people and friends. Whether they are grand and drawn out trips or short jaunts just to a nearby city or going camping. I love adventures and I don’t plan on giving up these things any time soon and I feel bettered and stronger for all of it. Even if I never have a traditional life I don’t feel it will be any loss because there is so much to gain from many different lifestyles and choices. None of it’s wrong and who can say what is right? It’s a personal choice and personal journey and I feel the true goal should be what makes you happy whatever that may be.

I now really do leave you, Thank you, and I encourage all of you to go on your own adventure one day whatever that may be.

Peace and Love,
Rebecca Robinson
First glass of wine in France

First glass of wine in France

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