_____Updated November 26, 2016———–

SO 2016 is really the worst…..due to president-elect Trump and a group of his followers. We have had neo-nazi support from alt-right goons. KKK support for the cheeto. All of which he hasn’t fully disconnected from….because he’s an extreme narcissist that takes any attention he can get. (But he gets mad at the theater kids, see below)

He is hiring a staff that will not be resisted by a republican controlled congress, and they are all climate-deniers, torture supporters, creationist ass hats. There beliefs aren’t even the problem, it’s that time and again they have and they will continue to remove funding and support from programs that have actually brought me a lot of comfort the last few years.

The president threw a fit over the cast of Hamilton addressing his VP, because they asked REAL questions. (This only made me love the musical more, which may be one of a few GOOD things about this year, was my introduction to its magic).

Then let’s talk about the disaster with the DAPL and the horrors that is Standing Rock. Which isn’t a new protest mind you, we’ve been shitting on Native Americans since at least 1492 and here we are….people with power…mostly white men with money and power, stomping on and ignoring people that are poor and often marginalized. They often don’t even have a voice in these matters and their protest is actually a chance to demand some attention to their struggle. However, the way that protesters have been treated through this whole event is nothing short of a human rights violation. One protester lost her arm!

Not to mention the Cheeto has his thumb in every fucking pie, because he’s a business man, and as “in the game” as any white man with power can be. This includes the stock companies that are investing in the building of DAPL. Which means he has financial assets attached to this, and he also has said time and again he’s about oil and fossil fuels and fuck anybody that gets in the way.

Where else do I go? All the things Trump has said even in the last two years is horrifying. And media (even good media) is trying to just keep up, which also fuels the former reality-star and his actions. It’s what he wanted all along…. he never wanted to help people or run a country. He just wants the attention and the fame. He won at that. But that means the rest of us, us working class people, and our children, and everyone that is not a man in their 70s and white and a millionaire.

Media is trying to normalize what is quickly reflecting every fascist movement in modern history.

Watch this if you don’t understand:

Because when we pander to fears, when we use hateful language, when we make false promises just to gain power, when we don’t value even the people that work for us….we end up with monsters like Trump and that is the most horrifying.

I go back and forth on wanting the year to end and not because 21 days in the Cheeto actually gains power. Even since he got elected the stories of attacks, statements, graffiti and hate-crimes has been a constant onslaught.

Personally, I have not had a good year.

Many people have had a shitty year.

I’m not alone but for all of us having a shitty time things suck. REALLY suck.

I have had to quit 2 jobs for reasons beyond my control and that were, at times, frankly absurd.

One of my closest friends lost her HOME- a house she had bought 48 hours before- to the flooding in Baton Rouge. Then her boyfriend ended things. Then her dog got sick. Then her car crapped out….she’s having a blast. (The car is better now)

My year sucks for several reasons. Jobs that don’t pay well. Jobs that aren’t working well. Managers that don’t communicate. Struggling with depression. Struggling with student loans. Struggling with missing my grandma (she died last year but I still hurt). I’ve been picking up the slack where other people fail, step out, or flake out….I don’t want to go into detail. But my stress is at a level I haven’t experienced in 5 years, when over 10 people I knew died due to everything from old age, car accidents and suicide. One always hopes things get better and for five years it did…now….I feel totally cast out to sea.

But we stay hopeful. Because we are beings that stay hopeful. We try and we fight and we pray and cry and hope…we hope so much. Because I honestly don’t know if any of us would stay living if we didn’t have that mechanism. Being we’re intelligent beings, we understand more than is probably good for our emotional well-being. And if you are in the Western world you probably don’t know how to deal, except by hope, a beer and some choice prayers to the universe.

And we have to remember this: http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/history/2016/07/is_2016_the_worst_year_in_history.html

and that others have survived worst….

Yet we still feel bruised, and scared, and depressed. The fact I already struggle with anxiety, PTSD and depression adds to trauma that anyone would have. So it’s a fun journey.

I suppose we’ll all figure it out eventually.

Also, can I say it really sucks to have a bunch of people you greatly admire dying.

Alan Rickman

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Gene Wilder

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David Bowie

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Harper Lee

Elie Wiesel

Florence Henderson

Leonard Cohen

Muhammed Ali

You get it.

So we mourn our losses and carry on…hopefully to a planet we can live in and a country we can live with. (It may take 4 years)

Why this year has been the worst

musings

I wish, I wish

musings

If only it was as easy as blowing out candles and getting a unicorn.

We all have wishes. Or rather hopes and dreams for our future. We wish for more money, better hair, another child, to travel the world etc.

These dreams give us goals to strive for something better than what we have. Which can be a good thing. The bad thing is when we don’t act on making them a reality. No doubt obstacles come up but fighting for what you want is where real success happens.

Growing up with minimal resources I wished to see the world, instead of waiting for a fairy to come and give me round trip tickets somewhere, I got a job, lived with my parents an extra year, and didn’t own a car so that I could do my first trip to Europe. Since then I have been two more times and have no doubt been able to do this because of others helping me, supporting my dreams and making sacrifices. My student loans can tell you that story, but I believe it was worth every penny of debt. Because it taught me more about myself and my abilities than any classroom could, or therapy session.

Some people get $100,000 in credit card debt, or buy a $50,000 sports car. Which is fine, but I spent my money on my dreams and something that benefited me for my future and it’s not just the travel. My education with that oh so shocking price tag was a chance for me to explore my mind and make something of it. No I may never be a millionaire but I know more and more about the world than I could from any other thing. I know about how to read stories, write stories, share information accurately and how my work can change minds and influence others. For thy pen is mightier than the sword.

Anyway, wishing is great, I wish all the time, for a better job, for more travel opportunities, for more money, to be out of debt, to have a nice wedding. I wish for all of these things, but the reality is unless I work towards them, then I will not get there. No, it’s not as easy as get degree-get job- have wonderful life. Because I bought into that idea for the last 10 years and it’s not reality. Yet, it’s just trying to find ways to thrive in any manner possible. It’s not always glamorous, it’s not always perfect, but I’m learning and working towards the wish(es) and that is all that matters.

So for you, even if you just do one thing today, do something for your future. Buy a book on learning Spanish, download Duolingo and take a few FREE lessons, pin some ideas on a Pinterest board. All around, just do it for you.

Lately I took some steps on reducing debt, cutting back on expenses and contacting others for help on establishing something of value- my own business. It may be ugly for a while, and I might want to stay in a hole, and I might lose hope at times. Yet, at the end of the day I am working on a wish and that is all that matters.

 

Best,

Rebecca Lee Robinson